Chapter Thirty-Seven: Vs.

“Dammit!” shouted Joe. “Supercools- Superfools. That’s just so fucking obvious!!! Why can’t we have a name that’s a little bit trickier? Like ‘the Superguys.’ What rhymes with guys?”
“Thighs?” Kyle put in.
“Lies?” was Chuck’s first suggestion. “Flies? Ties? Byes? Ryes? Size? Fries? The ‘Supersize Fries,’ they’d call us.”
“Yeah, and that would just sound stupid,” Joe retorted, sarcastically, of course. He lit a cigarette, and exhaled smoke towards the villainous trio.
“Is that the best time to be doing that, Joe?” Charles asked.
“How do you mean?”
“Well, we’re about to do the whole supervillain combat thing, and I thought maybe you’d rather not do that just yet.”
“Trust me, Chuck, I can piss myself laughing and smoke at the same time. I’m good like that.”
“You Supercools destroyed everything I ever loved,” shouted Lollipops, “And if I have to kill you to save that, then so be it!” She lunged at Joe, cracking him in the side of the head with her Lollistave.

“Ow, you bitch, that hurt,” Joe whined. Lollipops struck again, knocking the cigarette out of Joe’s hand.
“Oh, that’s it, you’re dead,” Joe roared, drawing his Sunsword. He swung it menacingly at Lollipops, who flipped and rolled out of the path of the blade.

Meanwhile, Sunshine confronted Mr. Negativity. Or tried to. Charles waited patiently as Sunshine poured wave after wave of solar energy into his Nega-Zone form. “You do know this won’t ever work, right?” Charles asked after a few moments. Sunshine screamed in frustration, and blasted at the ground beneath Charles’ feet. Sand and dirt flew into his eyes. It stung for a moment, until Charles shifted his eyes fully into the Negative Zone, destroying the sand particles. As it turns out, the resulting miniature explosion proved to be equally as irritating. “Good job,” Charles said to his opponent. “At least now you’re getting on my nerves.” Mostly blind, like a child with shampoo in his eyes, Charles squinted and aimed a power blast at Sunshine. The solar-powered man slipped to one side, and the blast degenerated.

“You’re not going to laugh at me, too, are you?” asked Rainbows. He didn’t sound too menacing. He mostly just sounded pathetic.
“I guess not,” Kyle shrugged. “My teammates used to laugh at me, too.” Kyle didn’t blink as Rainbows lifted him off the ground telekinetically, and bound him in multi-colored bands of energy.
“What did you do to make them stop?” Rainbows asked. Kyle shrugged as best he could.
“This,” he said, and his eyes flashed silver-and-blue. The bands disappeared, and Kyle dropped comfortably to the ground. Rainbows quickly countered with a solid burst of rainbow energy, but Kyle dissipated it with a glance. “I can see you, you know,” Kyle said. “See inside of you. See your powers. I could take them all away from you, if I wanted, but frankly,” Kyle paused to blink away three more power blasts. “I could use the practice,” he said.

Lollipops danced around Joe, hitting him once- twice- three more times. Her strikes didn’t hurt, of course, or barely hurt, but Joe was getting a little tired of it. Fortunately, he could sense a pattern to her attacks. As she circled once more to his front, Joe activated his hypno-jacket, simultaneously shooting out an arm to catch the agile young woman. “Freeze,” he commanded, and, despite her best intentions, Lollipops did so for the one instant Joe needed to catch her wrist. He hoisted the villainess into the air, suspending her by his Wonder Glove and Belt of Strength. There was no chance for her to break free.
“Your little squad of villains is not so bad,” Joe pointed out. “I mean, you certainly gave us a little bit more trouble this time than you did last time. So why don’t you just go practice killing us for the next, say, 9 billion years, and then come back and find us. You might win, then, unless, of course, Charles and Kyle and I also spend the 9 billion years practicing, or getting more powers, or new uses for old powers, or more stuff, or omnipotence, or whatever. But anyway, you’ll have a shot. And you can’t tell me that-“ Joe wanted to say more, but he was gone. And so were Charles and Kyle.

“They’re gone!” Lollipops screamed in confusion and frustration. “They’ve escaped us again! But don’t worry, we’ll destroy them before our world comes to pass. I swear we will.”
“Rainbows, get us out of here.”

Ryker would almost swear he saw a flicker of rainbow-colored energies in the center of the room fade from view as he landed the air car. It was probably just lack of sleep.
“I told you that was them. We should have gone after them! Now where are we?”
Ryker did his best to ignore CJ’s chattering. He surveyed the scene- strewn with unconscious soldiers, two international terrorists, a dragon, a tattered scrap of S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and- oh, shit!
“CJ, get down!” Ryker shouted, pushing the young girl behind a pile of rubble. The S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform detonated with intensity, knocking people and pieces for a loop. Ryker’s heart fell as he watched his air car pitch on to its side. And then, a piece of debris struck him from behind, and Ryker stopped caring about anything.

* * *

“Wh- where are we?” stammered Kyle.
“What’s going on?” asked Charles.
“Oh, GOD,” moaned Joe. Charles and Kyle looked at him strangely. Joe just smiled. “I’m experiencing a sensation altogether new to me,” he told his friends. “And frankly, I LOVE it!”
“What is this place?” Kyle asked, inspecting the strange, jutting architecture of the alien landscape on which they stood.
“Who cares?” Joe asked.
“Would you please try to get a hold of yourself?” Charles asked. “We’ve obviously been kidnapped by someone, or something, and-“ Charles words were cut short by the sudden appearance of a very feminine-seeming, yet obviously alien, being. Expecting an attack, Kyle and Charles were very surprised to see her lift up a card which read, “Round 1—The Supercools vs. The Lightning Rods.”

Round 1
The Supercools vs. The Lightning Rods

The two teams stared at one another from across the alien thoroughfare. Apparently, they were supposed to fight, but Charles and Kyle weren’t about to throw themselves into combat with fellow heroes until they were sure there was some need. There was definitely need.
“Rods- Kill ‘em!” shouted Mr. Immortal.
“Pound them flat!” roared Flatman.
“Death to the Supercools!” said Doorman.
“ !” whistled Dinah Soar.
“Do Me!” shouted Big Bertha, charging at the Supercools. “I’ll be on top!” She leapt, and then came crashing down with all the force her super-enhanced-weight could muster, right on top of Mr. Negativity.
“Oh my God!” shouted No Powers Boy! “You squooshed Chuck!” Big Bertha declined to comment, choosing instead to thrust her pelvis back and forth, grinding Charles further and further into the ground.
“Odrld- Wytmchwmnfrme,” Mr. Negativity mumbled.
“Note to self,” Mr. Immortal said aloud, “Get Bertha a date.” And then he, too, leapt into the battle.
Already, Dinah Soar had joined the fray, swooping above and below No Powers Boy’s laser blasts, finally diving straight toward him, beating him to the ground with her wings. Once he was on the ground, Doorman was there, as well, kicking No Powers Boy in the ribs.
Mr. Immortal lunged at the Scavenger, easily landing a few shots on him. The Scavenger simply continued to smile, not terribly concerned with fighting the Lightning Rods. Flatman slithered up behind Mr. Immortal, and quickly wrapped his two-dimensional body tightly around the Scavenger. “They’re all tied up now, Mr. I,” Flatman boasted.
“Excellent,” said Mr. Immortal. “No wonder I never heard of the ‘Supercools’- these guys are pathetic! Looks like this round of the Contest of Champions goes to the Lightning Rods!” Suddenly, Joe’s eyes burst open.
It’s a contest? he thought. They’re not, like, mind controlled or anything- it’s just a game! And Mr. Immortal called us ‘pathetic?’ Oh, it’s on now! Flexing just a fraction of his Asgardian-spawned might, Joe burst free of Flatman’s grip, sending the hero flying into a corner, where he tried to stay conscious despite the pain. It didn’t work. Next, Joe whipped out his Sunsword, and, as he scouted the room for his allies, half-heartedly used the sword to cut Mr. Immortal’s chest open. The second Lightning Rod fell as Joe realized grimly what he would have to do next. Oh God, this is going to suck, Joe thought. He took a deep, deep breath, and slammed the Nega-Bands together.
The first thing Charles noticed when he was suddenly freed from Bertha’s weight was that he didn’t gasp for air. Strange- does that mean I don’t breathe anymore? Before he could continue with that thought, however, Charles was confronted by a very, very angry little man, who was standing up even then to attack. “Sweet!” Mr. Negativity said aloud. “Mr. Immortal!” And then, he blew his opponent’s face off.
“Hey, Doorman!” Mr. Negativity shouted, trying not to watch the pulp that used to be Mr. Immortal sink to the ground. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own color or absence thereof!” With the power of the Nega-Bands rolling through him, Mr. Negativity easily picked himself off the ground, and rammed his fist into Doorman’s face. The third Lightning Rod fell over.
Dinah Soar took to the air, with Mr. Negativity in hot pursuit. She was definitely the most skilled, but he could attack from a distance. Within minutes, Mr. Negativity was holding Dinah Soar’s unconscious body. No Powers Boy struggled to his feet.
Suddenly, the earth rumbled, and with a cry of victory, the Scavenger pulled himself off the ground, suspending Big Bertha one-handed overhead. “She’s not that heavy,” Joe bragged. “It just took me a while to get any leverage. Kyle, think fast!” Joe tossed the obese woman at his colleague.
“Lose some weight, you goddamn walrus!” Kyle shouted, his eyes flashing once more with that strange blue-and-white energy. Big Bertha instantly slimmed down to her “normal” form, and No Powers Boy caught the fashion model in his arms. Before Kyle could act on this most recent turn of events, however, Ashley Crawford, and the rest of the Lightning Rods, faded from view.

Winner: The Supercools

* * *

“Chief,” hissed one of the evil technicians responsible for the Contest of Champions. “Our nanites aren’t working!”
“Not working,” came the reply. “How is that possible?”
“We’re not sure,” the alien moaned. “The nanites, which should force the heroes into a fighting frenzy, not to mention allowing us to control their powers if need be, have failed to function on several of the newcomers, all three of the ‘Supercools.’ Mr. Negativity’s body is composed entirely of energy, upon which the nanites can find no purchase. They always manage to take hold of No Powers Boy, but their energy is drained away as soon as they make contact. And when the assault the Scavenger- well, it’s odd. They’re transformed into tiny bursts of energy- microscopic kisses, if you will, all over his body. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”
“They shall have to be eliminated, then. We dare not send them to the hold, where they might save their compatriots. Nor can we risk shunting them back to Earth in the middle of the contest- they may become suspicious. Give them no time to rest- continue pulling every hero you can find from that planet until someone eliminates them!”

* * *

Round 2
The Supercools vs. The Crazy 8

“Who the hell are the Crazy 8?” Mr. Negativity asked. Already, the landscape surrounding them was morphing into a mountain forest.
“Wonder Man’s supporting cast members,” Joe said. “His ionic energy flared, and left these eight people with super powers. I’m not completely sure what they all do, though.”
“Woman in the front is an illusionist,” Kyle said, as their opponents faded into view. “Black kid’s got magnetic powers, the mohawk can ‘see’ things, young boy makes electromagnetic dupes of himself, old woman teleports through time, blonde in the battlesuit is enhanced human, girl in red can astral project with a little bit of telekinesis, and the brunette can shoot power blasts. Any questions?”
“Uh... yeah,” said Joe. “How about-“ But his question couldn’t come yet, because already, the Crazy 8 was attacking. As the team charged, Joe put his foot down. Hard. A shockwave of energy rolled across the ground, knocking all eight members of the team to the ground. “I’ve been wanting to try that,” the Scavenger laughed.
Stat was the first to recover, building an army of clones from his own electromagnetic field, and sending them into the fray. Charles nonchalantly swooped in, the gold of his Nega-Bands sparkling against his black, cosmic body. As he came in contact with each clone, Charles tapped into their natural energy fields, draining the power into his own body. As quickly as they touched him, each clone vanished. Mr. Negativity reached for Stat- the real one- and just before making contact, was knocked aside by Buff.
At the same time, Attractive Lad caught hold of the Scavenger with his magnetic powers. “Pull me in where your comrades can get me,” the Scavenger suggested, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. As soon as he was close enough, the Scavenger sucker-punched Attractive Lad, then turned to knock out Visionary. Aiming for his next opponent, Joe paused just long enough to realize he was about to beat the crap out of an old, old woman. Glamour Girl used the brief respite to activate her powers, sending both herself and her attacker into the near future.

Mr. Negativity punched back, a little embarrassed to be hitting a girl, but confident that Buff could take the blow. Meanwhile, the Auteur was using her power to create the illusion of a tiger leaping at No Powers Boy. Able to see the lines of power “building” the illusion, No Powers Boy was not fooled. He allowed the tiger to strike him, and fall through his body, then stripped the Auteur of her own abilities. With a careful precision, he fired his blaster at the woman, knocking her unconscious. Suddenly, only Stat and Dreamer were left from the Crazy 8, and both had had their powers negated by one of the Supercools. The two young people looked at one another, and then surrendered.

The battle was as good as over when the Scavenger and Glamour Girl popped back into reality. Glamour Girl, worn by the strain of using her power, fell to the ground. The Scavenger merely stood, in a daze, trying to remember the details of what he had seen, which were already disappearing, like a dream does when one is awakened too early.
“Everyone was so upset,” Joe said aloud but to himself, “Someone was dying- one of us, I think. And then there was a man, in a blue cloak. From Limbo? No, not exactly. But we met him in Limbo, once. Or maybe we will meet him in Limbo, eventually. He’s the one, we’ve got to meet him. It’s all so clear! He’s pulling down his hood! I can see his face! I- but that doesn’t make any sense!!!!”
“Joe!” Charles shouted, shaking his friend. “Snap out of it! What’s going on?”
“I- I don’t remember,” Joe confessed. And then, it was time for another battle.

Winner: The Supercools

Round 3
The Supercools vs. Hindsight’s Heroes

“Hindsight Lad, Bandit, Silhouette, Darkhawk, and Dagger. The ex-reserve members of the New Warriors. Oh dear Lord, someone save us now, we’re never going to make it.”
“Joe, settle down. We have to focus on the battle at hand.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but it pisses me off. I mean sure, I understand that we’re not superheroes or anything, and that we’re not really that well known. But come on! Is this the power level they assume we fight at? I mean, seriously, Chuck, since you and I have started arguing, Kyle’s already knocked out Sil, and Dagger and Bandit’s powers can’t hurt you at all. I could take out Hindsight Lad like- pardon me- that, and what does that leave us with? Nothing!”
“What if Kyle gives you Darkhawk’s amulet, the source of all his power? Would that make you feel better?”
“Say what?”

Winner: The Supercools

Round 4
The Supercools vs. Psionex

“No, on second thought, I guess I’d better not. I seem to recall some sort of curse on it or something. I don’t know. At least this time we get to fight strippers.”
“Yeah we do!”
“Jesus, you two are pathetic. Kyle can’t even fight her, he’s so obsessed with her ‘aura,’ or whatever. Hey, slut! Try doing you’re pain-thing to someone a little less hormonal than these two! Yeah, just like I thought.”
“Aw, you took the chick away!”
“Yes, Kyle, yes I did. Now please do something about the speedster with the poison claws who is running at me even as we speak.”
“Don’t bother, Kyle! He tried to cut me up, and seeing as how I’ve got no body- well, he won’t be bugging us for a while.”
“Meanwhile, I’ve been trying something a little different with my powers. Instead of taking away Mathemaniac’s ability to telepathically alter reality, I’ve just taken away the increased intellect that lets him work it all out. Right now, I’m guessing, his brain is trying to work out pi to it’s 10 billionth place. He certainly won’t be bothering us for a while.”
“So who does that leave? Glass Boy and- whoops! there went Glass Boy- Abyss. Any volunteers? Yep, that should about wrap it up.”
“The terrain’s changing again, guys! Here comes our next set of opponents!”

Winner: The Supercools

Round 5
The Supercools vs. The Outlaws

The Scavenger, Mr. Negativity, and No Powers Boy faced off against Silver Sable, Sandman, the Prowler, Rocket Racer, and Paladin. The Scavenger motioned for his teammates to join him in a huddle.
“Silver Sable and Paladin have no powers for Kyle to neutralize,” Joe pointed out. “But they’re not that tough, either. Chuck, you should head the two of them off. I’ll take Prowler and Rocket Racer, since they’re more gadget-oriented characters, and still invulnerable to Kyle’s powers. That leaves Sandman for you, Kyle. Let’s go to it.”

Mr. Negativity rocketed toward Paladin and Silver Sable, counting on his Negative Zone form to protect him. True to their instincts, the two senior members of the Outlaws drew their weapons, and fired shots harmlessly into Mr. Negativity’s chest. Suddenly though, one of Paladin’s stun-gun blasts struck Chuck in the head, and strangely, it began to have an effect. What Charles had failed to count on was that though his body was transformed, his consciousness remained intact, and it was that consciousness, that field of energy which controlled his actions, that Paladin’s gun was disrupting. Charles fell to the ground, then fell to his knees. Paladin poured on the juice.

The Prowler’s claws found no traction against the Scavenger’s forcefield, and the Rocket Racer’s blasts of power did little to penetrate it. On the other hand, both men were proving themselves quite adept at avoiding the Scavenger’s poorly-thrown punches. After a few seconds of feint and counter-feint, the Prowler made his way close enough to Joe to drop a small pellet of gas. The Prowler and Rocket Racer quickly retreated, leaving Joe trapped in the middle of the cloud of knockout gas.
The Scavenger wasn’t daunted, however, and quickly fired one of the Wizard’s vortex beams nearby. The sudden change in air pressure shifted the gas suddenly away from the Scavenger, a trick used to similar effect earlier by Joe’s other-dimensional counterpart. Even as the gas cleared, though, the Scavenger felt something hard strike the side of his head. He realized it was the Rocket Racer’s skateboard even as he realized that he could no longer put up a forcefield- at least not until the vortex beam wore itself out. The Scavenger staggered back and forth, dazed, and the Outlaws closed in on him.

No Powers Boy didn’t need his identifying vision this time. He already knew the Sandman, and of what his powers consisted. Still, the pattern was striking, and Kyle paused for a just a split second before using his own abilities to stifle Sandman’s. Facing only now a powerless ex-con, Kyle drew his S.H.I.E.L.D.-issue laser pistol. Unfortunately, Kyle misjudged the abilities of an ex-con, powerless or no. William Baker lunged at Kyle, knocking the pistol aside with one thick fist. He raised his hands to pummel Kyle, who pushed himself backwards, tripped over his cape, and fell flat on his face. The next instant, Kyle was up again, held aloft in a massive, rock-hard, sandy grasp.
“Lost your concentration, didn’t ya, kid?” Sandman asked. Kyle gulped. “Go on and say it, I know you want to.” Kyle did want to say it.
“Oh damn.”

Silver Sable’s boot met his jaw, and Mr. Negativity was sure that he would’ve spit blood, if that were possible in his current form. She was a tough-as-nails mercenary, Charles knew, but he’d never guessed she would take such pleasure in hurting him. It was as though the contest itself had stirred up everyone’s rage and aggression. That thought alone made Charles mad. We may not win, he thought to himself, but there’s no way we’re going to lose to Silver Sable! He focused his dwindling mental control not on his powers, but on the Nega-Bands themselves. He felt their energies flooding him, renewing him, powering his natural abilities to even greater levels. Charles pushed forward with his feet, half leaping, half flying, all of him crashing squarely into Paladin. Charles’ famed luck came into play again; Paladin’s hand flew wildly, causing his stun-beam to strike Silver Sable. The two Outlaws fell on top of one another.

The Scavenger held his hands out in front of himself, fervently praying for some way of blocking the Prowler’s incoming attack. He closed his eyes, and waited for the blow to land. It never did. When Joe reopened his eyes, he realized that the Prowler’s foot was stuck, inches from Joe’s head, in a block of solid ice. Joe looked at the Prowler, then down at his hands, and then realized that he was still wearing the Mandarin’s ring! The Mandarin’s freeze ring, he mentally reminded himself. The sudden manifestation of a new power had apparently surprised his foes as much as Joe himself. Joe hoisted the Prowler into the air by one leg, and swung him into the Rocket Racer. Crunch. Joe looked down at his defeated opponents.
“Wait a minute...” he thought, and reached for the two, who were even now fading away.

“Wait a minute,” Kyle pleaded, staring the Sandman directly in the eyes. “Your co-workers, your teammates- they seem pretty bloodthirsty. But you, you seem to be in control.”
“They did seem a little into the battle, I suppose. What’s it to you?”
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to be sure that you’re in a sensible mood.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’ve got something important to tell you.”
“Go on.”
“I can’t take away your powers. I mean, now that you’re in sand-form, or whatever, it’s like it’s your natural state. I can’t keep you from moving, or talking, or thinking, and all of the sand-changes you put your body through are just as natural in this form as all those other things.”
“So I guess I win, huh?”
“Maybe. But you do have one power left, you know. Or did, until I took it away.”
“How do you figure?”
“You have the power to change back into your human form. Defeat me now, and you’ll stay here in the contest, while I go off to where ever eliminated folks go. And you’ll be stuck as sand for maybe the rest of your life.”
“You’re bluffing. If I knock you out, the power returns.”
“Maybe. Probably. So go on, knock me out. I dare you.” Sandman looked around, and saw Kyle’s teammates standing triumphantly over his own.
“Aw, you’re not worth it,” he said.

Winner: The Supercools

Round 6
The Supercools vs. USAgent and the Jury

“Jesus, they just don’t let up, do they? The second we beat one set of enemies, another pops right up.”
“Uh, Joe, please bear in mind that these guys are all wearing battlesuits- my power isn’t going to work on them.”
“So?”
“So maybe you should stop fidgeting with that thing and help Chuck fight them!”
“Nah, he can handle himself while I strap this on... there. Oh, wow! This is amazing! Rocket Racer’s visor lets me skate with tons more agility, and there’s even a targeting system built in! I’m going to kick so much ass now!”
“Oh yeah? Prove it!”
“Fine! There, I froze USAgent for you. Happy? I mean, like Chuck can’t just Nega-Blast the crap out of all these energy-wielding guys. Why don’t you wake me when they’re challenging us.”

Winner: The Supercools

Round 7
The Supercools vs. The X-Babies

“Good job with the Jury.”
“Thanks, Kyle. I’m not sure I’ve even ever seen those guys before. They’re like Avengers?”
“I guess. Aw, look who we have to fight now!”
“I don’t think I really feel comfortable beating the crap out of little kids.”
“Die! Die you miserable punks, die! You fucking brats! Tonight, I feast on your blood!”
“Joe doesn’t like kids much, does he?”
“Apparently not.”

Winner: The Supercools

Round 8
The Supercools vs. The Avengers

“Now this is more like it- the Avengers!”
“Whoa- look at all those energy silhouettes! Jesus! That’s more than just the Avengers, I’d say,”
“Actually, I’d say it’s everyone who’s ever been an Avenger. Ever.”
“Or, in fact, everyone who isn’t an active member now. I count 21- no big deal, that’s just seven for each of us. Chuck- you take the fliers and the energy projectors: Photon, Sersi, Firebird, Quasar, Living Lightning, Falcon, and Black Widow. Kyle, the ones with complex superpowers- Quicksilver, Crystal, Tigra, Starfox, Namor, Warbird, and Spider-Woman. I’ll do bruisers and guys with weapons, like Stingray, Black Knight, Rage, Hercules, Moon Knight, D-Man, and Moondragon. Phew! Let’s go, guys!”

Mr. Negativity had drained so much energy into his body, that it was beginning to feel full. He knew, of course, that that was impossible- he was tapped into a whole dimension. Still, every time Photon hit him with light rays, or the Living Lightning with electricity, Charles actually felt the blasts, as aches in his whole body. Suddenly, he was struck in the chest by Sersi’s eyebeams, even as the Eternal worked her way through the air towards him. Charles felt his whole body being twisted inside out, and soon realized that she’d transformed him into a pig. A flying, Nega-pig, mind you. Now that’s just plain unfair, Charles thought. He oinked a rude comment in Sersi’s direction. As soon as she was near to him, Charles surprised Sersi with a cheap shot of his own. He quickly bent and shifted his body back into it’s original shape, then wrapped his body around Sersi’s, and pulled her into the Negative Zone. Riding high on everyone’s surprise, Charles used that next moment to fire twin bolts of energy, simultaneously dispersing the Living Lightning’s energy form, and sending Firebird to the ground. A few moments later, he spat Sersi out. The Eternal, drained of her seemingly limitless supply of energy by the ordeal of holding her positively-charged molecules in place, fell rapidly out of Chuck’s chest, and did not move again.

Quicksilver was, of course, the first to charge, but Kyle had been mentally preparing for the speedster since the Avengers first formed on this battlefield. Lose the reflexes, Kyle mentally reminded himself. Keep the speed, lose the reflexes. The second Quicksilver moved, Kyle activated his power, stealing not Quicksilver’s inhuman speed, but his ability to maneuver at such speeds. Then, it was just a matter of sidestepping Pietro, and letting his momentum carry him into the wall ten feet back. There was no time for celebration, though. No Powers Boy had to immediately focus his powers on all the combatants Joe had mentioned- stripping Crystal of her flames just before they hit, then jumping back to her teammates, keeping everyone off-balance. Once, he was lucky enough to spot Warbird trying to make her way above the crowds. As soon as she had a reasonable amount of altitude, Kyle’s powers flared, stealing her invulnerability as well as her ability to fly, knocking a very human Carol Danvers to the ground and out of the fight. If only the rest of the battle could be so easy....

“Why don’t you try to take me in a fair fight,” Joe taunted Moondragon, knowing full well that she’d rather sully her hands than her mind any day; the Hypno-Jacket only iced the cake. As Moondragon leapt, Joe countered with a blast from the Mandarin’s cold ring, catching Moondragon in mid-air before she could twist away. The psychic ninja fell solidly to the ground, keeping Rage, Hercules, and D-Man (all of whom were tripping over one another to make the fight a more physical one) from getting any closer. Several of Moon Knight’s throwing chakras drifted away from the Scavenger as slim reproductions of Shakespearean sonnets, much to the dismay of Moon Knight himself. Finally, it was Stingray who managed to bridge the gap, trying to land a shocking touch on the Scavenger.
“Oh no! Who will save me from Captain Unconscious-And-Bleeding-Internally? Or whatever your name is,” with a motion as sharp as his put-down, Joe caught hold of Stingray’s costume, and pulled the Avenger in to a rough knee to the stomach. As Stingray fell, part of his costume caught Joe’s eye. “I’ll take that,” Joe snickered, pulling away Stingray’s belt, and stuffing it haphazardly into his own costume.

The Falcon swooped at Mr. Negativity. Mr. Negativity went into a steep dive, and used the opportunity as a distraction to blast a surprised Black Widow.

Namor quickly closed the gap, and hoisted No Powers Boy into the air. Moments before he landed a potentially fatal blow, Kyle’s vision reminded him that Namor was a native of Atlantis—and his ability to breathe above the surface was a mutation. Kyle blinked, and Namor fell to the ground, asphyxiating.

Joe, on go-go skates, spun over to D-Man, choking back a gag from the man’s horrible stench. Even Hercules and Rage backed off for just a moment, and in that time, Joe pressed his palm against Dennis Dunphy’s face, and gave him a Wonder Blast squarely between the eyes. D-Man collapsed in a heap.

Mr. Negativity landed next to the body of the Black Widow, and crouched there in front of her. He paused for a few seconds, and then -pushed- his features through his head, popping back out the other side, simultaneously also reversing the position of his arms. Now crouched one way, but facing a very surprised Falcon coming from the other way, Charles was able to pick off yet another Avenger. Only Photon and Quasar were left.

Spider-Woman extended her hands, pantomiming a psychic web. As he looked at her, though, Kyle realized that Julia Carpenter’s powers were fading in and out of her body, with no discernible pattern. Momentarily perplexed, but nonetheless aware that this spider had no bite, No Powers Boy finished her off with a quick shot from his pistol.

Hercules and Rage were too close now, and the Scavenger knew he’d never avoid either one of them. So he didn’t even try. Instead, he waited until both were just about to strike, and then pushed down hard against the floor, and leapt into the air. As he flew upward, he dropped one of his few remaining Paste bombs down on the two musclemen, binding them together. His intention had been to slow them down, but as Joe landed a few feet away from his starting point, he realized that, in their combat fury, the two actually knocked one another out freeing themselves.

Mr. Negativity had an easy shot at Photon, and took it, but the blast was stopped from just inches away by a shining shield of energy. Before he could react, Charles found himself trapped in a bubble of the same material.
“Captain Marvel was my predecessor,” Quasar said to Mr. Negativity. “So I’ve got a good deal of experience with the Negative Zone. It took me a few minutes to find the right frequency, but now that I’ve got it, I assure you, you won’t get free.”
Charles fired a few blasts half-heartedly at his prison, but already, he knew Quasar was right.

No Powers Boy was doing a rather good job of holding off his opponents, but as he turned his attention towards Starfox, he suddenly saw Tigra pouncing from out of the corner of his eye. His pistol was in his hand, but Kyle was so used to using his powers in this battle, that he instinctively tried to strip Tigra of her animalistic abilities. Even as she landed, Kyle remembered that Tigra’s cat-woman form was her natural, unaffectable, state. Tigra pressed her claws into No Powers Boy’s throat and purred, “Try it.”

The clutter of paste and ice was keeping Moon Knight easily at bay, so the Scavenger turned to the Black Knight. His Sunsword flared to life.
“Are you crazy?” the Black Knight asked him. “I trained you! What makes you think you could possibly out duel me?”
“Try it,” Joe boasted. “Go on. I’ll give you one free swing.”
“Okay,” the Black Knight shrugged, and he slammed his sword into the side of the Scavenger’s head. Fortunately, it was the flat part of the blade, but still, Joe fell, clutching his wound to keep the blood from spilling out too quickly. Enchanted weapons, he chided himself. Immune to enchantments. Duh.

Winner: The Avengers

When they blinked next, Joe, Charles, and Kyle were back on Earth. The absence of a wonderful tingling all over his body was proof enough for Joe that the contest was truly over.
“So now what?” Kyle asked. Joe looked first at Kyle, bedecked in battle armor, with no change of clothes. Then, he looked at Charles, in full Negative Zone form with no change of body. He himself could pass for human, but he was cold, and bleeding, and starving, and the three of them had nowhere to go. From inside his hypno-jacket, Joe felt something poking him in the chest. He reached into his coat, and pulled out Stingray’s belt.
“You two wait here,” he said. “I’ve got an idea.”